While in Cartagena, Colobia, we spent two afternoons at Volcan de Lodo El Totumo, which is a mud volcano about an hour away from Cartagena. Twice, because it was possibly one of the most hilarious things I have ever experienced. Also because we didn't wait for our friend Kaspar, who was coming to Cartagena to meet up with us, the first time we went, and he wanted to experience it as well.
The first time was more hilarious mostly because we had no idea what to expect. We went on a bus with ten other tourists, and on the way one of the guides explained to us that when we get there there are three optional services you can pay COP$3,000 (approximately $1.50) for: photography (a dude will take your camera and take photos of you while you float around in the mud), massages (dudes who will give you a massage in the mud - they definitely do not have any formal training), the bathing service (Colombian women help you clean the mud off yourself and your bathing suit). We were told that these services were all optional, however, try telling that to the washing ladies. They do NOT take no for an answer.
We got off the bus with only our bathing suits and our flip flops, left our shoes at the bottom and climbed up the very steep stairs to the top of the volcano, which looks strangely like an ant hill, and found a group of people in the 'bath' (for lack of a better word), looking exactly like moving statues, covered almost completely with mud. While you are getting into the volcano, a man would greet you at the ladder, and instruct you to take one more step down then sit back into the mud, then lie down on your back. Immediately you erupt into hysterical laughter because the feeling is just soooo strange. The mud is really, really deep, but you can't sink, even if you want to (we tried, both of us pushed down on Kaspar's shoulders and all that happened was that we came out of the mud), and the mud is kind of warm. You would expect that it would be similar to swimming, because it is kinda like that, but it isn't. Not at all. For starters, you have very little control of where you go, and be careful not to get off balance, or you will end up face first in the mud, which is a bit of a problem, because how do you get the mud out of your mouth when every useful inch of your body is covered in mud? Your only real option is a lot of spitting. So, there you are, laying in a volcano full of mud, and the next thing you know, someone takes you by your feet and pushes you towards the 'massage therapists' who immediately begin rubbing your legs, whether or not you want them too. After telling them several times I wasn't interested in a massage, I found myself being pushed to the other end of the volcano, so there was room for the next 'customer'.
The first ten minutes of being in the volcano was something akin to sheer pandemonium. People everywhere were laughing hysterically, people would lose control and fall, face first, into the mud, which would result in even more laughter. However, by the end of the thirty minutes, nearly everyone was laying flat on their backs, relaxing in the mud, which was warm and quite pleasant. Surprisingly, the mud didn't smell bad, which was not what I expected.
After our time was up, we had to get out of the bath and go down to the lagoon to get ourselves cleaned off. The problem with being entirely covered with mud is that your bathing suit becomes quite heavy. Which isn't exactly a problem in itself, however, it does make keeping your drawers on slightly difficult. The entire trip down the stairs and down to the lagoon was quite a challenge, as I was constantly attempting to prevent my bathing suit from ending up around my ankles. Upon arriving at the lagoon we were greeted by a group of Colombian women, armed with basins in their hands; they grabbed us by our hands and did not listen to our protests. We were directed to sit down in the shallow, cloudy water, and they immediately began pouring water over our heads, and rubbing our faces to get all the mud off. The next thing I knew my 'bather' was tugging on the ties of my bikini top, I told her that I didn't want her to take it off, she told me I had to, and the next thing I knew, I was topless! I very quickly flipped around in the water so that I was with my front down, laughing hysterically the entire time. After she washed out my top she gave it back and made me give her my bottoms. Luckily the water was very cloudy. After we had been fully cleaned we walked back to the bus, still laughing.
When we went the second time with our friend Kaspar, the bathing portion of our afternoon was even more hilarious, which I didn't think was possible. I should explain that Kaspar is much over 6 feet tall, with lots of blond curly hair (which is always extremely popular in Latin America, and 6 feet is not exactly a common sight either). When we arrived at the water, two women grabbed Kaspar's hands and pulled him into the water, laughing hysterically. They pushed him down into the water, and began pouring water over him, continuing to laugh the whole time. The other 'bathers' were watching the women bathe Kaspar, laughing the entire time.
If you ever get the chance to go to a mud volcano, go. Definitely, go. People say the mud is medicinal, but I really think the laughter is even better for your soul.
